The Road to Healing

Alright, people…its authenticity time! I have a question for you. Have you ever had something from the past sneak up on you and take a huge bite out of your butt? I mean something like a deep hurt, personal failure, or regret. OK, I lied…there are two questions. This one is even more unsuspecting. Have you ever experienced the future seemingly appearing out from nowhere right in your path…..causing you to trip and fall flat on your face? Until recently, I’ve not looked at it from this perspective before. At least until recently when I noticed a quote on Twitter that caught me off guard. Here it is…

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for the PAST & fear of the FUTURE.” Charles Fulton Oursler

Past:

On a very personal level, the period of 02/2009 to 04/2010 was a very dark period of my life. I lost a mentor & friend to ministry burnout. I watched our church fall apart & lose its focus on Christ. Our Leadership Board began to lose trust in the remaining pastors. My family and others experienced a very ugly side of church. All of this led to my depression and anxiety, and greatly neglecting my wife and kids…even during the few times that I was home. To sum it up, I worked in a church but it felt like a war zone. This is not what God has in mind for His church.

Future:

Last April, God led our family on our third move across the country. This time from Washington State to Georgia. For the first time in our marriage, He called my wife to a full-time ministry position. The obvious blessing in this is that I am finally enjoying some much needed ‘down-time’ to recover and spend time with my family. The Spirit of God is active and moving more amazing than I have ever witnessed in a church before. It’s been a Holy change of scenery in the landscape of ministry for us. This has also been a life change…one that has caused me to deal with some pretty substantial identity issues. In addition, Jesus continues to call me to one challenge after another. With each new opportunity to serve come old anxieties from past dysfunction and hurt. My mind screams, “NO…not again!” But my spirit gently nudges me forward, and whispers “Trust me.”

When I read the above quote on Twitter the other day, it was like someone woke me up from a horrible nightmare. I have allowed myself to be ‘pinned-up’ between past experiences and tremendous fear of moving forward. I am currently reading ‘A Gentle Thunder’ by Max Lucado. Let me share a short excerpt with you from the opening of that book:

“How far do you want God to go in getting your attention? If God has to choose between your eternal safety and your earthly comfort, which do you hope He chooses?”

All of that is to say this. God cares more deeply about our calling than our comfort…about our faithful obedience than our fears. It’s taken me nearly ten months to figure this out. I’ve been allowing my past experiences in dysfunctional church junk and cowardly hesitance of ministering in the future to render me utterly useless to Jesus. THAT is embarrassing!

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1Peter 5:6-7

The message is simple. The step is monumental. ”Don’t worry.......be used!”